Usually, I have absolutely no trouble sleeping. I’ve been gifted with the awesome ability to sleep really well! So many of my friends and family struggle with being able to sleep, so I do not take my ability to sleep to my heart's content lightly. However, this Christmas Eve night, I was oddly unable to sleep. If I were five, I would know it was because of the excitement of Christmas morning! But I’m not five. I long for the days when I was because then my Daddy would still be here on this earth with me. Christmas morning, he would have been shining the big light from his movie camera, filming and documenting the memory as my sister and I ran down the hall and out to the Christmas tree to see what surprises awaited us.
My Daddy left this earthly home a couple of months ago now, and so I was about to face my first Christmas Day without him. I laid in bed until I finally accepted this odd occurrence of not being able to sleep. So at 4:00 am, I slid out of bed and crept to the living room, where I pulled out my Bible and read my daily reading passage. Then, I decided to go sit on my back porch. (Living in TX, there are some years when it is still warm enough to enjoy porch sitting at the end of December. This was one of those years.)
Back porch sitting is something that my Daddy came to especially take joy in during his last few years of life. He would sit and gaze out at his and Mom’s beautiful backyard, adorned with many years of carefully designed and planted beauty, and simply watch the birds. So, here I now sat, on my own back porch, remembering my daddy. I sat in the quiet of the morning with a blanket of dew-covered ground before me and slowly began noticing the birds. Little sparrows were everywhere! They merrily flitted around within the branches of the bare crepe myrtle trees. I sat and soaked it all in…their different pitches of birdsong, the fluttering, and rustling of wings as they flew from tree to tree. Watching these tiny little creatures always makes me think of the verse in Matthew 6. It’s the verse many are familiar with that uses a picture of the birds to show us that we’re not to worry. It points out that the birds are taken care of, and so, how much more will God take care of us, his children?
"Look at the birds of the air;
they do not sow or reap or store away in barns,
and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.
Are you not much more valuable than they?"
Matthew 6:28
What I’ve just come to realize, though, is that this verse begins with a command. “Look at the birds.” When Jesus spoke it, it was a command, an instruction. For us to do it, it takes intention. Birds are not something we usually notice when we are rushing around from one thing to another. If and when we do notice them, we are usually outside in God’s creation, and we are still. “Look at the birds.” Look. Watch. Gaze upon these tiny little wonders of creation that are filled with joyful song and have the ability to bring a sense of peace to our hearts.
That is what the birds gave me Christmas morning. For a heart that was heavy, it now felt a little lighter. For a soul that was sad, I was filled with a bit more peace. I now knew why I hadn’t been able to sleep during the wee hours of this Christmas morning. This moment was made for me. It gave me what I needed to be able to make it through this day.
As the beautiful moment ticked by in minutes, I realized I needed to start preparations for Christmas morning breakfast. As I rose to go inside, a cardinal flew into my yard and perched itself high up on a tree branch. It absolutely took my breath away! I’ve always loved Cardinals! My wedding was the week before Christmas and I had used red birds in our wedding decor. On our honeymoon, my husband and I had an especially beautiful moment when hiking in the snow (we had to leave TX for that), and there were cardinals all around us! And, now, here, one had come and landed in my yard! It was an extra special moment to end an already meaningful time.
Isn’t that just like God? Not only does He bless us, but then, it’s as if He says, “Now, I’m going to knock your socks off!” and He gives us even more! More glorious beauty! The vibration of my heart rose another octave as I suddenly felt the presence of my Daddy with me in this beautiful moment. Tears streamed down my face as I thanked God for His tender grace and mercy and for giving me this meaningful time.
I will always be thankful for the many Christmas mornings of my past. I am thankful for the tender time God gave me this present Christmas and for all that awaits me in the Christmases to come.
May we all make room in our lives for more moments where we choose to be still, gaze upon beauty, and allow God to knock our socks off!